- Rolling of the Eyes – This is actually teens learning emotional regulation. Emotional regulation does not fully develop until about 25 years old and sometimes much longer. In teens, their feelings are bigger than their ability to regulate them.
Don’t Punish
Instead: Stay Calm—”Calm is contagious.” Take a look at the adult role models in the family and ensure they are modeling effective emotional regulation. - Nagging About Chores -Chores, walking the dog, taking a shower, etc., can lead to nagging. Procrastination, organization, being timely, and orderly are all executive function skills that are not fully developed in the brain until about 25 and sometimes later.
Don’t Punish
Instead: Use reminders, notes, and posters. Create routines and include kids in developing these routines. “Kids who are involved in making their rules are more likely to follow them.” - Arguing About Everything – Disrespect and oppositional behavior are part of identity formation. It’s a natural process for teens to push boundaries and show us who they really are, though they may not always do this respectfully.
Don’t Punish
Instead: Model respectful communication. Ask them about their point of view, and calmly and firmly explain why disrespectful communication is unacceptable. The phrases “How do you feel about this?” and “What are your thoughts?” can be game changers in communication with teens. - Making Bad Choices – Impulsivity and risky behavior often stem from underdeveloped impulse control, which is an executive function skill that comes with age. Teens test boundaries and seek control through these behaviors.
Don’t Punish
Instead: Talk through possible outcomes for these behaviors. Show them examples and statistics. A strong connection is key to having kids take your opinions seriously. Allow them to make decisions from a young age to develop good critical thinking skills. Discuss “healthy rebellion” and reinforce that it’s okay to say “No.” - Zoning Out When You Talk – Ignoring you or forgetting what you said can often be a sign of cognitive overload. Teens experience significant stress from academics, peer pressure, social lives, and extracurricular activities. We may not know what their day has been like.
Don’t Punish
Instead: Keep your messages short and specific. Have a conversation to see how they’re doing before asking them to do something. Wait until they’ve had time to emotionally regulate and relax. Written reminders, calendars, and posters can be very effective—just point and say, “Remember this, please.” Use phrases like “When you’re free, I’d like to talk about…” or “Please don’t forget to do this when you have time.” Remind them, “Don’t forget, this needs to be done within the next 30 minutes.”
By using respectful communication (which can take a great deal of patience when dealing with teenagers), things become easier, and kids are more likely to do what they need to do.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing the developmental challenges teens face fosters understanding. Encouragement and patience can pave the way for better relationships. Celebrate small victories to reinforce positive behavior. Remember, it’s a journey of growth for both parents and teens. Together, they can navigate this tumultuous time with compassion and open dialogue.
Parenting Empowered 
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