Non-Violent Communication

Understanding Nonviolent Communication

At its core, Nonviolent Communication is about expressing ourselves honestly while also listening empathetically to others. It encourages us to communicate our feelings and needs without judgment or blame. This approach not only helps in resolving conflicts but also strengthens the bond between parents and children.

Active Listening

Active listening is a foundational skill positive parenting.  It involves fully concentrating on what the other person is saying and feeling, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully. Here are some steps to practice active listening with your children:

• Give Full Attention: Put away distractions and focus on your child. Maintain eye contact and show that you are engaged.
• Reflect Back: After your child speaks, summarize what you’ve heard. For example, “It sounds like you’re feeling upset because your friend didn’t invite you to play.”
• Ask Clarifying Questions: If you’re unsure about something, ask open-ended questions to encourage your child to elaborate. For instance, “Can you tell me more about what happened?”
• Validate Feelings: Acknowledge your child’s feelings without judgment. You might say, “It’s completely normal to feel sad when friends don’t include you.”

Active listening not only helps children feel heard but also models respectful communication.

“I” Messages

“I” messages are a way to express your feelings and needs without blaming or criticizing. This technique allows for open dialogue and reduces defensiveness. Here’s how to structure an “I” message:

• Start with “I feel…”: Share your feelings honestly. For example, “I feel worried…”
• Describe the behavior: Explain what specific behavior is affecting you. For instance, “…when you don’t clean your room.”
• Express your needs: State what you need or would like to see happen. “…I need to know that I can trust you to take care of your responsibilities.”
• Make a request: Offer a clear and actionable request. “Would you be willing to set aside some time to tidy up?”
• Using “I” messages helps communicate your feelings without putting your child on the defensive, paving the way for more productive conversations.

Collaborative Problem-Solving

Collaborative problem-solving is an essential aspect of NVC, allowing parents and children to work together to find solutions. This approach encourages cooperation and fosters a sense of shared responsibility. Here’s a simple process:

• Identify the Problem Together: Start by discussing the issue. Ask your child how they perceive the situation. For example, “What do you think about your homework routine?”
• Share Feelings and Needs: Both you and your child should express how the situation affects you. This helps to create empathy and understanding.
• Brainstorm Solutions: Encourage your child to come up with possible solutions. Be open to their ideas and offer suggestions as well.
• Evaluate the Options: Discuss the pros and cons of each solution. Ask your child what they think will work best.
• Agree on a Plan: Once you’ve found a solution that works for both of you, agree on a plan to implement it.
• Follow Up: Revisit the solution together after some time to see how it’s working and make adjustments if necessary.

This collaborative approach not only helps resolve conflicts but also teaches children critical problem-solving skills.

Conclusion

Incorporating Nonviolent Communication into your parenting can lead to more harmonious relationships with your children. By practicing active listening, using “I” messages, and engaging in collaborative problem-solving, you can foster an environment of empathy and understanding. Remember, the goal is not just to resolve conflicts but to build a deeper connection with your children, nurturing their emotional intelligence and communication skills for the future. By investing in these practices, you are not only improving your parenting but also empowering your children to express themselves and understand others in a compassionate way.

Good Reads…

Non-Violent Communication by Dr Marshall Rosenburg

Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr Thomas Gordon