Children are naturally curious, exploring the world around them in ways that can sometimes be surprising—like drawing on walls, throwing food, or pressing all the buttons in an elevator. Instead of shutting down this curiosity, let’s guide our little ones and offer better alternatives. This approach strengthens our relationships and fosters close connections.
Empowering Your Child
Here are effective strategies for encouraging positive and appropriate behavior in your spirited, high-energy child:
- Shift from Negative to Positive Reinforcement
Instead of saying: “No! You can’t have another chocolate,” try, “You’ve had a lot today; let’s save some for tomorrow.”
Kids often demand immediate gratification, fearing they might never get what they want if they don’t get it now.
For children with ADHD or other learning differences, a simple “No” may not hold much weight. - Avoid Punishments
Punishing children can lead to compliance out of fear rather than understanding. Instead, we want them to behave appropriately because they genuinely want to.
Use positive reinforcement, such as Positive I-Messages. For example:
“Wow, you did a fantastic job cleaning your room today!”
“Thank you for being on time for the school bus; it helped me avoid being late for work.”
By “catching your child being good,” you’re more likely to encourage repeat behaviors. Remember, kids want to be good; they just may not always know how to express it or manage their emotions. - Give Your Child a Voice
Try this simple phrase: “How do you feel about…”
This empowers your child and shows them respect. For instance:
“How do you feel about having a half hour of video games during the week?”
“If I finish my homework, can I have another half hour?”
In contrast, avoid rigid rules like:
“You only get half an hour of video games during the week!”
“That’s unfair; you never listen to me.”
When using this approach, remain open, set clear boundaries, and provide explanations with reasons. Your child deserves this level of respect.
Understanding Doubt
Doubt is a common experience for both children and adults, but it can be particularly challenging for kids. They often grapple with questions like:
What will my friends think?
Which colleges should I apply to?
What do I want to be when I grow up?
Will I be successful?
Will he/she like me?
Two Kinds of Doubt
Skillful Doubt
Protects and encourages growth.
Prompts questions that lead to clarity and understanding.
Fosters healthy curiosity; investigating doubts can lead to informed decisions.
Corrosive Doubt
Halts exploration and stifles curiosity.
Thoughts like “This is unhelpful” or “I’ll never be able to do this” can be damaging.
Pessimism, such as “This can never work for me,” can prevent kids from trying new things.
Encourage your children to examine their doubts thoughtfully, helping them navigate uncertainties in a constructive way.
Parenting is 80% Connection & 20% Guidance
As they grow into teenagers and become curious about things like alcohol, smoking, sex, and drugs, we hope that the strong bonds we’ve established will encourage them to seek our guidance before venturing into potentially dangerous territory.
Parenting Empowered 
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