Advocating for Your Child: A Parent’s Role

4–6 minutes

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As adults, we can advocate for ourselves. Most likely, people will listen, whether it be our parents, bosses, friends, colleagues, or partners.

Children, however, should not be dismissed or ignored simply because they are young or may communicate in a less-than-ideal manner. It is essential to listen to them, understand their perspectives, and support their emotional growth.

We can advocate for our children in a way that makes them feel empowered, respected and ensures they know their feelings are valid. It is important to keep our kids in the loop to prepare them to speak out for themselves when they go to university.

  • Communicate with your child and ask questions.
  • Understand that your child’s behaviour may be trying to meet a need
  • When appropriate take your child’s side & empower them
  • Recognise that your child can act differently in school and at home
  • Maximise parent / teacher time
  • Request special services in school in writing
  • Understand your child’s IEP

Here are some of the most challenging problems parents can face…

Anxiety & School Refusal

Anxiety in kids is real. They may not have a reason for being anxious, they may like their friends and teachers, but somehow, the anxiety builds. Often this leads to‘school refusal’

School refusal

There are three common forms of ‘school refusal’ or ‘school avoidance’:

  1. First-Day Nerves: Children may resist going to school on the first day of the school year or when starting school for the first time. This is perfectly normal—anything new can feel intimidating. With time, most children adjust and eventually enjoy attending.
  2. School Phobia: Some children develop a fear of going to school due to specific incidents, such as bullying, fear of a teacher, or feeling inadequate in certain activities like gym class. In these cases, we can talk to our children, understand their concerns, and work together to find a solution.
  3. Severe Anxiety: For some children, school refusal stems from extreme anxiety about leaving their parents or home. This is a serious issue—anxiety is a diagnosable disorder that can significantly impact a person’s ability to function normally. These children may want to attend school but are unable to do so because of their overwhelming anxiety. You might notice signs like distress when you leave the house, withdrawal from activities, or reluctance to meet friends. This can occur at any age, even in adults, and can be triggered by various underlying issues.

As a mom who has been through this first hand , I strongly believe that parents should seek professional help when they observe significant signs of anxiety in their children or young adults. Through my own experiences, I’ve learned that various factors, such as ADHD, dyslexia, and other learning differences, can contribute to ‘School Refusal’ and heightened anxiety. It’s essential to identify these underlying issues and get guidance from trusted professionals.

From my limited understanding, I’ve realized that individuals with a combination of high working memory and low processing speed may be more susceptible to school refusal. Therefore, it is crucial for parents to consult a professional if they notice severe anxiety symptoms in their children or young adults.

For some students with ADHD, the difficulties they encounter may surpass what general education support can provide. These students may need specialised instruction and/or related services through an Individualized Education Plan (IEP). When students struggle significantly with attention, emotional regulation, organisation, and similar areas, more targeted interventions may be necessary to address their specific needs.

This specialised instruction could include building executive function skills, implementing behaviour support strategies, social skills training, or assistance with organising writing. Additionally, students may benefit from support provided by related service professionals, such as a school psychologist.

Exam Taking

For decades, educators have seen speed as a marker of aptitude or mastery, forcing students to scramble to finish tests. But a race against the clock doesn’t measure knowledge or intelligence. It assesses the much narrower skill of how well students reason under stress. As a result, timed tests underestimate the capabilities of countless students.

In school, timed exams convey the idea that success requires quick bursts of effort. In reality, true wisdom involves depth of thought rather than just quick thinking. The students with the most potential aren’t necessarily those who can quickly provide the correct answers; they are often the ones who take the time to ask insightful questions.

If your child needs extra time for exams or a private room to take exams, it is essential to ensure that this is being accommodated. Schools and exam boards will accommodate if the child has a letter from a clinical psychologist. This accommodation moves with them through external exam boards and college/university. Make sure to get this updated every four years.

Fidgeting

For individuals with ADHD, the brain’s release of norepinephrine—a neurotransmitter responsible for attention—is inconsistent. This affects the brain’s processes, making it challenging for students with ADHD to focus on learning and classroom activities.

Interestingly, fidgeting can stimulate the brain’s attention-control networks, boosting norepinephrine levels and improving focus. In simple terms, fidgeting can help children concentrate when their brain struggles to do so naturally.

Rather than simply saying no to fidgeting, we can instead empower our students to know when and how to use fidgets, help our students improve their focus and attention, and truly minimise distracting behaviours in the classroom.

For example, we can send our kids to school with a ‘fidget’ in their pocket and let the school know.

These are just some of the challenges faced by families with a neurodiverse child.

In Conclusion

Advocating for your  child is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and unwavering support. By embracing their unique strengths and challenges, you can empower them to thrive in a world that often prioritises kids to conform. As you navigate this path, remember that you are not ‘babying’ or ‘spoiling’ your child, but you are showing them that their voice matters, and that their feelings, needs and thoughts are valid.  This  empowers them, gives them confidence, shows them that you empathize with them and this  encourages them to advocate for themselves when they go out into the world.